Normally I would refrain from adding my 2¢ to a movie like Mall Cop. Not that I’m too good for Mall Cop. No no. I just don’t know of too much more that can be said after viewing either the trailer (preview) or the movie poster. Too me this is the kind of movie I might have sneaked into in my youth simply because I had watched all the other movies in the metroplex. Those were the days, when I would pay $7 and then hop from theater to theater until I had gobbled up every movie playing. Of course there was also no cable TV then either.

Basically this is the story of a security guard working in a New Jersey mall. His dream has been to join the police force but his weight has always disqualified him. One day some criminals take over the mall and take hostages. Mall Cop Paul Blart is trapped inside and decides to help the police regain control and attempts to take on the gang on his own. Hilarity ensues.

This movie is the dream child of comedian Kevin James who wrote and then stars as the main character, Paul Blart the Mall Cop. The director is Steve Carr of Daddy Day Care fame. I won’t lie, there are a couple of times that I may have shaken my head with some inner pre-pubecent laughter. Over all this is what you would expect, bad jokes about being fat from a fat guy. I have chosen to give it a few words because as of January 30 this movie has made a little over $83 world-wide. It was finally removed from 1st place on the charts by the movie Taken with Liam Neeson. I can only hope that by giving this movie some air time here it will have brought some people that will discover some good movies that I have written about. I beg you to go see them and not give your money to films such as this one. 1/10*

* The poster just makes me mad. I included the German version above as an example of how the right poster can keep you from going to see the wrong movie.

Hopefully everyone knows the story of author George Orwell’s novel and then the subsequent movie, Nineteen Eighty-Four. Even the cult classic movie Brazil in 1985 has an Orwellian features and themes through the entire fabric of the film. In fact the working title for for the highly futuristic Brazil was 1984 and a half.

​

Brazil’s working title was 1984 1/2.

In the hypothesized future, the people of Oceania are in a endless, living in a state of poverty, fear, and oppression.  Even personal will and thought are monitored for the common good. Meals are rationed and virtually every move is monitored through video cameras and police agents. Winston has memories of when life was better and he expounds about it in a private journal that he keep hidden. Winston begins making eye contact with a younger woman named Julia; it’s not long afterward that they are part of the rebellion against the state.

There was a BBC version of the movie followed by the 1956 Edmond O’Brien film. Together the movies were able to cause only a minor stir and that was for sending people back to the book to read the full story. This version was directed by Michael Anderson who did such films as Around the World in 80 Days and Logan’s Run in 1976. This movie is just not well done, it lacks timing and any degree of suspense. If you can find the BBC version try that one first. Even though there is some combining of characters, Donald Pleasance is in it and does a pretty good job. 6/10*

British First Edition Cover

In the 1984 released film Winston Smith (John Hurt, from 1979 Alien fame) is a worker for the state, one of many whose task it is to literally rewrite history, changing names and events to suit the needs of the will of the Party.  Winston remembers what life was like before Big Brother and loathes what his government has become. He philosophizes about these ideas in private and in a secret journal he hides in the walls of his apartment. Winston begins making eye contact with a younger woman named Julia (Suzanna Hamilton), and soon the two begin exchanging private notes which in turn leads them into becoming part of the rebellion against the state as their actions are viewed as subversive.

This movie follows the book on a much closer level. John Hurt does a wonderful job in the lead. He carries the movie in the direction it needs to go. Unfortunately, the movie didn’t make very much money and found itself on a shelf rather quickly. It generally only makes it off the shelf when some poor sap has to write a report on 1984 and they don’t want to read the book. Even though the BBC version has the least budget of any film mentioned, it is worth seeing. If you’re looking for an exact book copy then read the book. This 1984 movie is okay, worth seeing for John Hurt and Richard Burton who plays O’Brien. In any account with words like Orwellian and Big Brother in the lexicon of American culture, it’s best to know where the roots lay. 7/10*

* The 1956 poster is really cool and outweighs the movie. It is very collective due to its tie with 1984, the book. The 1984 version of the poster is also desirable but clearly not as eye appealing.

​

1984 B Style Poster

The Physical Structure of Dante’s Inferno

Dante Alighieri wrote the Inferno in 1314. Todd King over at EKU, Eastern Kentucky University, has made a very informative flash website that will take you on a virtual tour of The Inferno. Click Here.

Dante’s Hell is shaped like a funnel that extends all the way to the center of the earth. It is situated underneath the city of Jerusalem, which is at the center of the northern hemisphere. Opposite Jerusalem, at the center of the southern hemisphere is the mountain of Purgatory. Lucifer is immobilized at the bottom of Hell, where he fell after the defeat in his rebellion against God.
This funnel is made of nine circles. The first circle is the widest and, progressively, the ninth circle is the smallest. This ninth circle surrounds Lucifer. Each circle is reserved to a different category of sinners:

Ante-Hell: This is a place where the souls of the damned fall at their death. From here they are brought by Charon into Hell through the river Acheron. Some souls, the Neutrals, remain here, because they never chose either good or evil.
Upper Hell: the Incontinent
1st circle: Limbo. Reserved for the souls of the just people who never knew Christ, and those (especially infants) who died without baptism and never committed a sin. Here Dante encounters the ancient philosophers and poets.

2nd circle: The Lustful. Dante talks to Francesca da Rimini, who tells him how she became involved in an adulterous affair with Paolo, her brother in law. Landscape: a violent storm which tosses around the souls. Minos guards this circle.

3rd circle: The Gluttonous. Dante talks to Ciacco, a Florentine, who used to be a parasite, as he was going from people to people, gossiping on everyone. Ciacco gives Dante the first prophecy of his future exile. Landscape: heavy steady rain. Three-headed Cerberus is the guardian.

4th circle: The Avaricious and Prodigals. No relevant character is found here. These souls, mostly clerics, go opposite direction, bumping into each other as they push big rocks. The guardian is Pluto, who makes no sense when he talks.

5th circle: The Wrathful and Sullen. These souls are submerged into the river Styx, which surrounds the city of Dis. The wrathful emerge from the dirty waters while the sullen are completely submerged. Phlegyas will take Dante and Virgil across this river in his boat. Here Dante talks to Filippo Argenti, an old acquaintance for whom he has no pity.

Lower Hell: Violence and Fraud
The city of Dis: High walls with closed doors guarded by devils, helped by the Furies and the Medusa. They try to stop Dante, but a divine messenger forces them to open the door.

6th circle: The Heretics. Dante enters the city and sees a huge cemetery filled with open tombs with fire coming out of them. One of the tombs contains the souls of the Epicureans. Dante talks to Farinata degli Uberti and Cavalcante de’ Cavalcanti, father of Guido, the poet, and Dante’s friend.

7th circle: The Violent. Introduced by the Minotaur, this circle is divided into three rings:

1. Violent Against their Neighbors (tyrants and murderers). These souls are plunged into a river of boiling blood: the river Phlegethon. They are watched over by the Centaurs.
2. Violent against Themselves (suicides). It is an unnatural forest with leafless trees. These trees are the souls of the suicides. Dante talks to Pier delle Vigne, personal secretary of Frederick II. The trees have no leaves because the Harpies keep plucking them as they sprout. Among the trees Dante sees the souls of the squanderers, chased by bitches.
3. Violent against God and Nature. Blasphemers, Sodomites, etc. Virgil talks to Capaneus, king of ancient Crete, stricken by Zeus’s bolt for his rebellion. Then Dante talks to his teacher Brunetto Latini, and later he sees three Florentines, at the edge of the circle.

The river Phlegethon cascades into the eight circle, and there is no path to go down. Dante and Virgil are carried down by a three-nature monster, Geryon.

8th circle: Fraud. It is called Malebolge because it is divided into ten bolge (ditches).

1. Panders and Seducers. These souls are scourged by horned demons. Dante talks to Venedico Caccianemico.
2. Flatterers. These souls are immersed in excrements. Dante talks to Alessio Interminei and the ancient Thais.
3. Simonists. They are set heads down into holes in the rock with flames burning on their feet. Dante talks to Pope Nicholas III, who mistakes him for Boniface VII.
4. Diviners, Astrologers and Magicians. Their heads are turned backwards, so they have to walk backwards. Virgil talks to some ancient people: Amphiaraus, Tiresias, Manto and Eurypylus. Among the modern: Michael Scot,.
5. Barrators. They are plunged into boiling pitch and guarded by ten sneaky demons (Malebranche) led by Malacoda (evil tail). Ciampolo of Navarra (a sinner) succeeds in cheating the demons in a hellish context.
6. Hypocrites. These souls, mostly monks of the Jovial order, walk slowly, clothed in heavy caps of lead. Dante talks to two of them from Bologna.
7. Thieves. These souls keep changing into snakes. Dante recognizes (among others) Vanni Fucci, who predicts the defeat of Dante’s party, the Whites, and his exile from the city.
8. Fraudulent Counselors. These souls slide away in the ditch as flames. First Virgil talks to Ulysses, the Homeric hero, then Dante talks to Guido da Montefeltro, a turned saint sneaky character.
9. Sowers of Discord and Schism. These souls are physically torn apart. Dante talks to a few, among them Bertram de Bornio, who holds his severed head like a lamp as he walks along.
10. Falsifiers of metals, persons, coins and words. It is like a huge hospital with people with all kinds of deformities. As in the previous ditch, this too is crowded. Master Adam is the most colorful of them.

9th circle: Treachery. It is divided into four sections. The sinners are in a frozen lake, Cocytus. This circle is surrounded by the Giants. One of them, Antaeus, takes Dante and Virgil and puts them down into the ice.

1. Caina: Traitors to Kin. These are immersed in the ice with head down. Dante talks to Carmiscione de’ Pazzi.
2. Antenora: Traitors to Homeland. Dante sees one who keeps biting on another’s head. He is Count Ugolino who is gnawing the Archbishop Ruggeri’s head. He tells Dante the account of his death.
3. Ptolomea: Traitors to Guests. They are head up in the ice, which is freezing their eyes. Dante talks to Fra Alberigo, who is there while his body is still alive, for having killed his guests as he invited them for dinner.
4. Giudecca: Traitors to Benefactors. These sinners are completely immersed into the ice.

The ice of the 9th circled is kept frozen by Lucifer’s six flapping wings. Lucifer has three faces, with three mouths, each chewing on a sinner: Judas is in the middle mouth with his head inside, Brutus and Cassius are in the side mouths, with their heads hanging out.

This structure of Hell has been lifted from various sources and is done so under the Creative Commons License. I hope this will be as helpful in finding your place in hell as it has been for me.

Tagged as “In 1998, five friends stole their way into history.” Their choice of going down in history is by a road trip in which they travel West and beginning a quest to see the nerdiest, and therefor most desirable movie in the geek world, movie coming to the big screen. That film is the latest in the Star Wars franchise, Episode I. After one of the group takes sick it is nothing short of a moral imperative that the friends break into George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch to watch the seminal sci-fi picture together before the film’s actual release to the public.

By now we have become inundated with Seth Rogen humor in a series of first run films. The movie feels a lot like Rogen humor only less refined. Which is what it is. Actually Rogen is in the film and plays Admiral Seasholtz and perhaps another character or two. Fanboys has had a wild ride as an indie film with the director, Kyle Newman, traveling to multiplexes and comic cons to stir a fan base. The film has gone through some reshoots and re-edits and comes out in limited release on February 6.

Anyone who the film is really marketed to may have already seen this movie either at one of the many film festivals around the country or among the masses that attended Comic Con this year. There are some very funny and inspired moments in the film such as an outrageous brawl with some hard-core Trekkies, but overall the film is a tad flat and slow at times. I laughed and for that I think the film is worth seeing somewhere. 6/10*

* The poster of hands holding a blue light saber towards space is great and one I will add to my collection. The inspiration for the poster concept, or should I say copying, is of the 1983 teaser poster for Return of the Jedi. The Jedi poster was actually an artist rendering of George Lucas’s hands with the light saber in the same manner. This poster will be linked to the Jedi by geeks forever. Purpose served.

Clint Eastwood, guns, cool cars. That’s pretty much all you have to say to put the butts in the theater seats. This movie is made to order for Clint. He’s the right age and seemingly frailty level to play this part. It should also be no surprise how giving he is to his younger cast mate, he has always been a very giving actor.

This is the story of Walt Kowalski, he even has a cool name, who lives in a neighborhood that has changed around him. With his age comes his old prejudices. Kowalski is the grumpy old man next door who keeps a prized 1972 Gran Torino in his garage. He comes across a young teenager being pressured by the local gang and takes out to reform the teen.

This movie is classic Eastwood. It has the performance we as an audience have come to expect from the veteran actor. While there may be some familiar qualities to the performance he gives, this is just familiarity of seeing Eastwood onscreen for 60 years. There is plenty of new territory for him to conquer. Standing toe to toe with him is Bee Vang playing the young Thao Lor Vang does and admirable job trying to keep you with Clint, but he’s very outmatched. That is the weakness of the film. Clint is really the only reason to see this movie and while it might be a good reason it isn’t enough to overcome the fact that we’ve been down this road before. If you’re a Clint Eastwood fan then you’ll love this movie – and you should. 2.5/4*

The Gran Torino car of the title was also the car used in the 70s cop show Starsky and Hutch (1975). David Soul acted with Eastwood in the Dirty Harry sequel Magnum Force (1973) playing another cop two years before he landed the part of Detective Ken Hutchinson in Starsky and Hutch (1975). Eastwood himself drove a Ford Torino sedan in The Enforcer (1976).

* I do like the posters for this movie. Not only is it a giant shot of Clint Eastwood, but the way the car is added in cut out is a real throwback to the 1970s when Clint was becoming the great actor he is today.

There has been a lot of hype surround the new movie, Watchmen. Normally I don’t post posters before the movie is released, but I thought this was just well done. The poster is getting a lot of flack due to the hardcore fans. This is Zack Snyder’s big screen adaptation of Watchmen.

​

There’s nothing better sometimes than a good slasher film. Sitting back and watching teenagers scream and be hacked to death can be cathartic. Now when you start tacking on the 3D element that goes a step too far for me.

Valentine 3D is basically a remake of the 1981 Canadian movie, My Bloody Valentine. This new incarnation uses many of the same names and even the same mining community is utilized in both. A new series of killings happens to come on the heals of young man coming to town who coincidently left the town at the time of the original killings. He naturally find himself suspected of the murders and it seems like an old girlfriend is the only one that believes him. Did I mention all of this happens on Valentine’s Day?

Certainly get ready for a blood bath. I think you can tell from the poster that the weapon of choice is a pick ax so it should not be too much of a shock that people are going to be slaughtered with a pick. The pick is used in lots of creative ways. Now I don’t want to sound like this is a good movie, it’s not. It is a brainless, bloody romp with things pointed at their screen every few seconds to make you jump out of your seat. If drive-ins still dotted our film landscape, this would be the movie of choice. 2/4*

*For the movie My Bloody Valentine, the original 1981 version or the 2009 3D version I expect there to be lots of style designed for the poster. This is some good design material. I’m glad that horror movies don’t have to take themselves or their posters too seriously. The audience for those films demand to be teased into finally forking their money over to see people hacked to death.

Perhaps it’s true that the chicks in Bride Wars don’t hack one another to pieces, but they’re headed in that direction. I know by the end of the film that I might have done them bodily harm if in the same room with them. I like both Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. This movie is beneath them and there is no reason for them to do it and for them to lower themselves as actors to do this film.

Bride Wars is about two best friends since childhood. They have planned their weddings and at the top of their “bratty” must have lists is the New York hotel, The Plaza. The are both 26, about to be married, having their dream wedding when tragedy strikes and their weddings have been accidentally scheduled on the same day. Ugh.

When half the country is out of work and the other half about to be and the comedy that Hollywood shoves at us is about two rich women fighting over the most expensive wedding hotel in the country. I would rather be fed some slasher movie anytime. 1/4*

* For Bride Wars there are over 26 versions of the main poster. For something like Gran Torino there are only 2. I looked at many of the versions and there was no reason to do them except the budget allowed them to make the extras. Almost no design thought put into these posters.

​ ​

It has been confirmed that Ghost Rider is coming back for a second run. Nicolas Cage is signed for the sequel which might be the only good news. I don’t recall much good coming from the first version. Even my son that loves Ghost Rider wasn’t convinced by the first film attempt. No word yet if we’ll see Peter Fonda come back as Metostopholes.

​

The box office on Ghost Rider No. 1 was $228 million and cost $110 million which does not fair well for a franchise such as this one to build upon. But not knowing what the side deals concerning merchandising, the real money is just been primed. If the merchandisers have even turned the slightest profit then they will want to milk the poor Rider for all he is worth.

The comic books which is under my good friends at Marvel are gold. We need some of these writers this time around as well as a new director for No. 2 if they plan on giving Ghost Rider Johnny Blaze a decent ride this second time around.

Johnny first appeared as the Ghost Rider in Marvel Spotlight vol. 1, #5 (Aug. 1972). He was created by Gary Friedrich and artist Mike Ploog. He received his own series in 1973, with penciller Jim Mooney handling most of the first nine issues. Several different creative teams mixed-and-matched until penciller Don Perlin began a long stint with #26, eventually joined by writer Michael Fleisher through #58. This Ghost Rider’s career ended when Zarathos fled Johnny’s body in issue #81 (June 1983), the finale. Johnny occasionally appeared in the subsequent, 1990-1998 series Ghost Rider, which starred a related character, Daniel Ketch. In 2001 he returned for six issues written by Devon Grayson, followed by the 2005 incarnation by Garth Ennis, and an ongoing monthly that began publication in July 2006.

This is a funny movie. If you enjoy some low brow humor then it is funnier. If you enjoy juvenile humor then you may fall out of your seat because it is so funny. Ben Stiller has done it again and done it well. Not only did he help write the movie but he directed it too. Then he added Jack Black who is on fire with a string of comedies. Then Stiller added Robert Downey Jr. put him in black face and in doing so almost secured a supporting actor nomination. Amazing.

Tropic Thunder is about a film crew in Asia filming a memoir about the Vietnam War. An accident happens and in a twist of comic fate the crew nor the actors realize they are being attacked by local drug dealers and not other actors in the film. The real actors band together attempt a rescue.

The film got into some degree of trouble when some groups came out against the movie claiming it unfairly was attacking challenged people. In the movie those type of people are called retards. So get ready to be shocked or disgusted depending on your level and limits of humor. The real jewel of the movie is Robert Downey Jr. Every second of him on film is comedy gold. The film is also a who’s who from Hollywood. There is even some very funny moments from a scene with Tom Cruise. I doubt you will be able to name all the cameos. This is a funny movie and if you have any affinity for Ben Stiller then you’ll love this film and want to own it. **/**** •

• As for the poster design they take their cues from what has come before them and try to make fun of it. I think the movie was a lot more creative than the campy poster and I would have liked to see the designer do more than just a Chuck Norris/ Schwartzenegger take off.